I haven't written here in months. It's not good, you know.So much has changed recently and while my blog has stayed on my mind, I have been neglecting it. On purpose. Sad.
Why the neglect?
I don't know..... well, I do know. I love to write and I love writing here, but for some strange reason, I tend to shun the things I aspire to do. I think (alert: heaviness approaching) I do this because I am afraid to challenge myself unless I'm forced to. Hell even when I'm forced to do something, I put it off and never really try my best.
Which is why Boots Electric !!! has suffered. This was a school project and I was forced to update frequently, which really gave me the push to write in here. And I LOVE writing in here, so it was all good in that neighborhood.
But I've graduated college. And no one is making me do anything anymore. And I found a job, but it's a job. When I have downtime, I watch TV and waste time on Facebook. It's pathetic. I don't like it and I am not proud of it.
What's MORE pathetic? I have about 6 blog post ideas, stored away on my cell phone and email account, that I haven't touched or tried to create. Avoidance. Why??? Why can't I just write?
Me and my creativity have broken up. Maybe I pushed her away. In fact, I know I did. It was too much work and I was scared to make that commitment.
But as an "artist" and I use that term almost falsely, I need to let off steam, explore, create. And I cannot be too worried about the "quality" of that work, especially since you can't even judge work that doesn't EXIST.
College may have fucked me up in this general area. My mother's best friend gave me a stamp when I was 16 years old that read, "Create as though there are no critics."
What a dream! It's so true, but also impossibly hard. I'm so critical that it's lead to the demise of my creative ambition.
Well, until right now, I suppose.
Let me try to start with this safe, friendly blog.
Wish me luck, y'all.
