Culo!

There are a lot of music trends that seem so bizarre and one-dimensional: screamo, crunk, techno. I'd say reggaeton, a new form of dancehall/reggae/Latin/hip hop music falls into that category. It's mostly obnoxious and repetitive and the artists are barely discernible from one another.

But then there's Pitbull, a Cuban American rapper who has churned out some kind of ridiculously catchy reggaeton bombs. I gotta admit, I dig it.

I've always had a thing for Latin music and its undeniable danceability. Pitbull injects that spice into his bassy and funky songs and before you know it, you're booty is droppin' and you can't do anything about it.

My cousin Jon, a dumpy 27 year old Jewish guy, moved from his beloved Brooklyn to Spanish Harlem recently and he tells me that all he hears 24 hours a day is reggaeton. I asked him if he at least heard some Pitbull. He said something like, no it's not like that, no animals, just this horrible dance music. Hah hah hah.

Here's the video for "Krazy", and it is. It's both hilarious (because it features Lil John) but super addictive.

Plus, there's the ass factor. I love big booty bitches (I wish I had a badonkadonk), and I'll be damned if I don't love a dumb ass song with a heavy beat that refers to a girl's jiggy ass as "Bojangles."

And the Ying Yang twins? The most absurd musicians out there right now. I can't even deal with it.

So in summation, Pitbull's music is silly, fun and it sounds pretty damn good out of a cranked up speaker and a quaking sub woofer. Bring him to your next party. Culo!

The Themed Party

I've always been a fan of playing dress up. So by the time I hit college and then later when I moved out of the dorms, I was able to make my dreams come true. My friends and I have hosted and attended a shit load of themed parties, dress up parties, whatever.

Tonight I am going to a space themed party. That's the first time I've heard of that theme. So creative, right? I'm going to cover myself in glow sticks.

But additionally, I've made a friend in college, a girl by the name of Joyce Wolf, who could probably publish countless books filled with her photography of party pictures. She simply thrives on taking photos with lots of movement and color - hence, the theme party is the perfect environment. Here are some of those pictures.

I give you.... A COLLECTION OF THEME PARTIES.

1. The Prom Party

Everyone knows prom is the biggest waste of your time in high school, so a prom themed party is the very bst way to keep the fun parts of prom night and exclude the bullshit. We added alcohol, ditched all the people from school that you hated and played our own music (NO SLOW DANCES TO "STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN").

Here you will see an improvised prom photo station. Garages are excellent.

Weirdos in the prom court? Oh YES.

2. The Toga Party

A college cliche, but it needs to be done. So if you're gonna do it, at least go over the top.

For example, dress as Caesar and give yourself a stab wound. It really helps you impress the ladies.

But do be careful with the laurel once you reach maximum levels of intoxication. This guy nearly lost his eye.

3. Highlighter/Black light Party

A very popular college party motif. Get some black lights, wear a white t shirt, buy some highlighters. Insert mind-melting electro music and add beer.

As you can see, the visual effect is quite stimulating with the lights off.

Attack your friends with a highlighter and let them know how you really feel. (Example: I found a crudely drawn orange penis on my back the day after this party. I kept the shirt.)

4. The Movie Party

While these parties don't often rage as hard as the others, the creativity factor is really amped up here. You dress as a character from a movie.

Disgruntled Harry Potter.

Two Junos and that "Arrested Development" kid.

If you like to play to win, hand pick a bunch of your friends to be the entire cast of "Little Miss Sunshine," including the yellow Volkswagen bus.

From here, the themes deviate into more obscure and specific categories. Such as....

5. Barack Obama is President Party

If you were in college when Obama was elected president and you were really excited about it and wanted to get drunk and celebrate in an organized way, then this party was for you.

First, get Obama to show up so you can take pictures with him. Also wear clothes that represent him.

Celebrate with your hair.

Wear your country's colors and keep pictures of the new first family close at hand. Freak the fuck out about it.

6. "Jersey Shore" Party

At first, you'll dress up for this party and laugh at the irony. Then, you'll actually realize you hair looks awesome in a blowout or with a huge poof. Your morals will fall to the ground and your fist will start pumping.

You'll find yourself posing for pictures like this.

Punching the air and drinking Coors Light will feel fantastically good.

You'll dress in ways that would horrify your mother.

and finally, if you're really into theme parties....

7. The Lady Gaga Party

Gaga is a freak icon. Dressing up in her honor is more fun and satisfying than you'd think.

Whether you show off your poker face....

... or you turn a black garbage bag into a very realistic Gaga frock...

... or take the opportunity to reveal yourself as a Lady Gaga drag queen, it's all good.

I hope this post has been informative and exciting. Contact me if you want an invite.

Girl, 21, Still Loves Pokemon; Not a Freaky Loser

First of all, yes, I'm talking about myself.

Second, I would FOR SURE wear that costume if I could. I go to costume parties frequently, it's kind of the thing to do, and that cozy-looking number would surely make people jealous.

So I made my confession. I'm a well-adjusted, nice-looking, healthy, friendly, intelligent, social 21-year old woma

n who doesn't live in her parents' basement, suck her thumb compulsively, wear cat ear hats or type like this o_O.

BUT I FUCKING LOOOOOOVE POKEMON!!!

I still wanna catch 'em all!

I had a few cards, but I was obsessed with the Gameboy video game when I was younger. That's when I also started watching the cartoon show every morning before school (from 6:00am -6:30am). Healthy, right?

Today, I play Pokemon Stadium with my friends (who are just as cool as me) while we get drunk and shit-talk each other, usually on Friday nights. I should be dating. But no, I pound beers, chain smoke and scream and shout as I battle insane creatures to the death (or faint, which is what they actually do when you beat them).

Here are some of my favorites.

BULBASAUR

(and Ivysaur and Venusaur)

Bulba is super cute and classic. He was my ride-or-die Pokemon when I started on Pokemon Red for Gameboy when I was 10 or 11. We've been through absolutely everything together, as far as I'm concerned. By the time he became Venusaur, he was an unstoppable tank. Razor leaf, vine whip, solar beam and leech seed are some of his most advanced skills and I knew them right off the top of my head. I love you Bublasaur.

PIGEOT

Noble, simple, powerful. Pigeot rarely fails to deliver in battle. He is also useful when you need to fly. Flying Pokemon are important because while challenging an opponent, they can literally fly above the battle scene and evade their opponent's attack. When Pigeot does this, he swoops back down and knocks the motherfucker out. I would always trust Pigeot.

ONIX

Rock serpent. Bad ass. Need I say more? He's mostly intimidation-status, because he slithers and towers over his opponents like a sky scraper. He's easily defeated by water, as do all rock Pokemon, but I love the pure, fearsome quality of Onix's writhing boulder form.

HOUNDOOM

Clearly the most metal of all Pokemon. Houndoom is surprisingly strong and evil as shit. I WISH he could be my real dog. Imagine walking him on the street? According to Bulbapedia, the internet's premiere Pokemon encyclopedia, Houndoom breathes fire that leaves untreatable burns and supposedly smells painfully foul. His bark beckons the Grim Reaper. SICK. I really wish this one were real.

GIRAFARIG

Don't let this little fucker fool you. He is unstoppable. His ass part is a vicious beast. His strange composition grants him little weakness. My Stadium-opponent friend always chooses this guy and she ALWAYS beats me with him. Girafarig (which I JUST REALIZED IS A PALINDROME OH MY GOD! I'M SUCH A NERD!) is one of the newest Pokemon to the universe and he's cute as hell and tough as anything. I.e., the perfect Pokemon.

I'll leave you with the music that still makes me shiver with excitement every time I hear it.

So if you wanna rumble in the Stadium, let me know. I'm down!!!!

This Week's Top Three Weirdest Viral Videos

This week, I came across three particularly outrageous and strange videos while poking around on the internet.

I decided to bring these three highly unique video clips together on my blog.

The three clips depict some of worst qualities in humans: senile aggression, gluttonous objectification, and unwanted creepiness, respectively.

Let's take a look.

3. Epic Beard Man, Thomas Bruso

So Thomas Bruso, aka Slick Tom, Aka Vietnam Tom, Aka Epic Beard Man, is an infamous character in the San Francisco area for being videotaped while partaking in crazily aggressive actions.

For example, he was seen beating the hell out of a tough-looking black guy on a bus.

He was obviously whylin. This video defined Thomas as the old, violent and bad-fucking-ass man his shirt describes him as.

The clip also spawned the term "amber lamps," which is hilarious. Think about it. Amber lamps.

Thomas was also videotaped being tased at an Oakland A's baseball game for sitting in the wrong seat, being drunk and belligerent and eventually resisting the police. Apparently when this video hit the internet it created grief for the Oakland Police Department for their "excessive use of force." I dunno, he is Epic Beard Man.

2. "Keep It Goin' Louder" video by Major Lazer

This video is really hard to explain. I'll start by saying I discovered it on my Birthright Israel trip leader's Facebook page, where he had posted it with no description. I'll give you the same courtesy.

Still with me? A little turned on? Feeling sexy? I fucking love this video. I can't tell if it's demeaning to woman or empowering. It's just super fucking weird.

I like Major Lazer and I think his song "Pon de Floor" is way better than this song. This song, sans the video, is nothing extraordinary. But the video is just.... I have no words.

1. Max Headroom Broadcast Signal Intrusion Incident Video

I found this a few nights ago. As I started to watch, I called my roommate in so she could see it too. Then we were both transfixed, horrified and creeped out by this 1987 pirate TV broadcast.

This was news to us, since we were both born in '88. I can't even believe this shit. No one has ever figured out who these people were, or caught them. Who the fuck is Max Headroom? Gosh the '80s were awful times.

That's all the weirdness I can handle for one blog post.

I'm TOOOOOTALLY Buggin'!

Valentine's Day approaches -- a holiday that I could really give a fuck about.

I celebrated it once, in high school, with my first boyfriend. It was a nice little day of thoughtful giving and receiving. He broke up with me via text message a week later, when I was sick with mono, right before my senior year midterm exams.

But I want to create a big, sparkly, warm and fuzzy tradition to fill the cold and angry void V-Day has left me.

I am going to watch the guiltiest of all pleasure films, Clueless. And fuck it, I'll watch it alone! That way I can quote all the bits of dialogue without annoying anyone else.

Let me state two things:

1. I am a serious and thoughtful critic and student of cinema.

2. I have always loved the movie Clueless, and while it sort of embarrasses me to admit this in academic settings, I must be honest.

Cher Horowitz taught me many things. First, being rich, young and beautiful was pretty much

awesome. She and her friends Dionne (and eventually Tai)

dressed in my heart-of-hearts 90s Beverly Hills slutty

grunge princess ferocious and favorite

fashion styles:

Plus she was a pretty Jewish girl! Keep the faith!

Next, let's talk about the hilarious movie quotes I still can't help but spit out when the moment strikes.

When referring to her father:

Cher: Daddy's a litigator. Those are the scariest kind of lawyer. Even Lucy, our maid, is terrified of him. And daddy's so good he gets $500 an hour to fight with people. But he fights with me for free because I'm his daughter.

(Even though my dad isn't a lawyer, he acts like one, and I feel just as privileged to argue with him)

Dionne's boyfriend, Dr. Turk:

Murray: Woman, lend me fi' dollas.

(It works)

Feminism:

Cher: Mr. Hall, I was surfing the crimson wave. I had to haul ass to the ladies'.

(Best excuse for being late to class...ever)

And my favorite OF ALL TIME:

Tai: Why should I listen to you, anyway? You're a virgin who can't drive.
Cher: That was way harsh, Tai.

(I'll say this one even if it doesn't apply to a situation. It just makes me LOL)

I'll insert props to Amy Heckerling, the writer and director of the film, a lonely female cinematic auteur in Hollywood and who knew? A future role model for me.

I've watched this movie about 20 times since I was six years old. It seems facetious, but the film -- loosely based on Jane Austen's novel Emma -- does have moments of merit that have carried me throughout my life.

1. Take pride in your looks, work with what God gave ya, and always be the trend setter.

2. Take care of your heart-diseased Daddy, whom you love, if your mom isn't around.

3. Even if you become the most popular girl in school, be the nice popular girl. Cher was never mean, bitchy or cruel. She passed some judgments, but she always used her heart.

4. If you're going to suck at school, then at least work your ass off trying to argue your way to a better grade. Besides, proper arguing is a great skill to develop.

5. Driving IS scary. Don't take your driver's test in 4 inch heels.

6. Save yourself for Luke Perry, or whomever you want to save yourself for. Cher was a confident and unflappable virgin, despite everyone's preconceived notions and nagging, and for that I admire her.

7. Ok, try to seduce the hot gay guy you met, but once you realize he's not into you, enjoy the kick-ass friendship you two can have.

8. Never, ever pass up the chance

to smooch Paul Rudd. EVER.

My Valentine's Day is already feeling happier.

And if these two amazing critics like it, then I guess I don't feel so guilty after all.

girl talk girl talk girl talk girl talk

Girl Talk is Gregg Gillis.

Gregg Gillis was a biomedical engineer in Cleveland, Ohio; a twenty-something year old cubicle dweller in a white lab coat.

Here's Gillis in 2006.

That same year, he released his first critically acclaimed and off-the-fucking hook album, Night Ripper, under the name Girl Talk.

The music Gillis creates is called mashup (māsh'ŭp'), a new style of music that proves itself to be hypnotically addictive, maddeningly unpleasant and debatably illegal, all at the same time. Depending on who you ask.

(Note: I just came up with that description myself, and as I read it it looks like I just described a powerful narcotic.)

Girl Talk is not the first mashup wizard. I remember the first time I heard one, I was a junior in high school, in class with my "cool" English teacher. He played us a song from his iPod that mixed the lyrics of Destiny's Child over the music from Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit." I was thoroughly impressed with the sound. It was humorous but also powerful. It was youthful and crazy.

Girl Talk took that seed and cultivated a forest of digital musical force, with only a laptop, two software programs and an encyclopedia of popular music knowledge.

He is infamous for his sweaty live shows: thrashing dance parties that bring animals out of hip youngsters. Here's Girl Talk in action --

I've seen Girl Talk live in concert twice before, and I'm about to see him again this weekend. And while the last concert was severely disastrous -- the show was vastly over sold and there was little room to breathe or dance, and Gillis' equipment came unplugged and the stage collapsed -- I am optimistic about the next one. I can't help but love the music he makes. It's intoxicating.

We did get right up in GT's face, though. Here's the proof, snapped from a cell phone.

Perhaps the most intriguing thing about Gillis and Girl Talk is the seemingly impossible way his music is allowed to exist, considering its almost solely created from the copy-written works of other artists. He knowingly pokes and prods at the uptight rules of "fair use" and his been able to release four albums under the label Illegal Art. I know this, and much much more from the documentary "RiP! A remix manifesto."

But that's a whole other story.

So wish me luck as I worship the sweaty, electronic deity known as Gregg Gillis known as Girl Talk, known as the sound of my generation and as a hero of stealing art to make new art.

Here's the best example of such a concept.